While it is always important to find that delicate balance between logic and emotions it is also important to remember that the mere fact that your ex is trying to get back at you through the use of his silence means he is feeling emotions. So, when you use the no contact rule on these type of men what is going on in their heads? What we are going to be getting into now is the actual ignoring part. Your ex is happy with the way things are, so he or she simply doesn't need to contact you and discuss unimportant things. All of this is irrelevant if she doesnt get to the last stage in decent time when you still want her. Required fields are marked *. In that case, you should carry on with no contact and continue to detach and feel better. Sure, you wont be on your exs mind as much as you would if you annoyed your ex by begging every day. I got a positive reply saying hes really missed talking over the last few days and would really like to talk soon. 3. Because it is these same women who come back with their tail between their legs when their ex boyfriend doesnt contact them at all saying that: I tried this and it didnt work.. What do I do now??????. Since this guide is specifically focusing on men who havent contacted you during NC lets use that as an example. I have kids and we broke up because he couldnt see a future for us dispite saying he is in love with me, Im the one blah blah blah. There are many reasons why your ex hasn't tried to contact you. After we split within two weeks he started dating someone else who he is still with. Hai Julian.. follow the no contact rule for urself Not to get her back Work on urself Give time for yourself to heal The first few weeks may be torturous.. Then the following week msgs as normal and video calls told me she missed me and she told me she had removed me from Instagram as she had seen some comments on previous posts that made her feel insecure so she had to do that for now for herself, I said OK if thats what you feel you need to do thats OK I dont know what she thinks she saw though because I dont have anything there to make her feel that way I wouldnt ever go behind her back either Ive never been that way in a relationship. Which is fine. Assuming that your guy has followed the progression I outlined above and is holding resentment towards you for the breakup that occurred you can probably expect the following things to be going on in his mind: You can always expect a little bit of stubbornness to be involved when it comes to someone using silence as revenge. The call ended well and he texted a few hours later saying he really enjoyed speaking and thanked me for being so understanding. I told him that I felt hurt and I did not wanted to make things worse between us, so when ready I would have kept in touch. If you don't unfriend your ex from facebook, you are going to end up looking at their profile sooner or later. The best advice I can give you is to manage your expectations. Im in not conact rule right now, respecting her decition and trying to heal my self as well. Using the no contact rule with your ex-girlfriend is one of the best things you can do for yourself if you get dumped. He broke up 3 weeks ago. Hi V, so I would suggests that you reach out at day 30 since you were getting along well. Hence I feel that no-contact is more successful at helping the dumpee heal, but is less successful at helping the dumpee get the dumper back. If the dumper feels guilty or remorseful for leaving the dumpee (especially if she left the dumpee for someone else), wouldnt no-contact actually help the dumper move on quicker? Thats when they improve their perceptions of their exes and oftentimes even interact with them. Lets say that you decide that you want to embark on the 30 day no contact period. Of course, but he doesnt really need to in order for the NC to work. Shall I give up or can I tell him I am here? It cant erase the past or focus on the present so strongly that it stays distracted forever. Make sure you dont pressure him. Thats when i decided to call it quits. After all, he made the decision to end things. It makes no sense to me why she would suddenly change her mind over night. I contacted some close friends to talk to him but he said he wants nothing to do with me. Thats just the way the human brain works. We were not at full plus capacity and we began bickering with each other. It doesnt matter if he blew your phone up with text messages during NC or if he completely ignored you as you were ignoring him. It shows you respect yourself, and arent willing to fight for a cheater. Youll appreciate your new partner that much more. Do you remember what I said the main purpose of the no contact rule was? I created this section with the purpose of detailing those reasons so I can hopefully give you more insight into what is going through a guys mind when he commits one of these reasons.. Then you are going to be extremely disappointed and depressed if stuff like this doesnt happen at all. Just not for her. Your ex wanted to be independent. People have a tendency to only remember the bad stuff about the relationships towards the end. Best read since Lord of the rings was released. 3. But also talked about how he should have made more effort. I say things i dont mean, i curse a lot and has been paranoid. Be flawlessly polite and kind with all contact, but NEVER beg for your ex back. Firstly, the no contact rule is only step one in the process. If he's tired of being with you, then doing no contact is your way of respecting his decision. In this case, nothing will ever help you see your ex in a better light. If youre worried your ex will forget about you and scared your ex will find someone else, you need to know that what youre apprehensive about is much less important than what has already happened (the breakup). This website has a lot of information about the no contact rule since it is an essential stepping stone to getting your ex boyfriend back. Don't immediately reply and take some time to think it over to figure out what you ultimately want out of this interaction. This is especially true when it comes to men who are extremely stubborn. You cant fix that or them. He doesnt speak until today. We did not communicate well at all or I feel would could have recovered. On some level, he has an idea of when he thinks he can reach out. I felt he is worth waiting for but he think it wont work between us.has he made his mind forever? So I dont think it was really necessary to contact me. We are perceived as weak by other men if we talk about our feelings. I would suggest that you allow a 21 day no contact before you speak with him again. Are you afraid your ex will forget about you during no contact? Now heres the problem. Believe me when I say it takes a man who is incredibly stubborn to not contact you during a 30 day NC period. Because I have literally been in that position before. Well, you probably threw a tantrum. Take steps to move on with your lifefor your own sake. Every time he opens his social media apps, he should receive a new notification on how awesome your life is. You need to be aware of that so you dont let your ex lead you on and discard you when youve served your purpose. Hello! You know, the he is going to have to text me if he wants to talk type of attitude. It's So Frustrating! The answer is quite simply yes. I want YOU to take the first step and contact your ex boyfriend via a text message. 4. Its crucial to retain your dignity and self-worth in your exs eyes when he or she says you arent good enough. Too often do I run into someone who completely misunderstands the purpose of the no contact rule (again read this article for a refresher.). He begs and pleads until I come back then decides he doesnt want to commit all over again. youve never dated anyone as good as your ex. Read the articles about your first reach out text. This is the time to work on yourself:Mentally, physically and emotionally. You have been in the no contact period for about 10 days but he hasnt contacted you. Is she still gonna think about me? It was the day before New Years Eve. to name a few. He hasnt texted me though, and I want to get him back. Work, events, and more.will me doing no contact now really be effective? What Happens When You Ignore A Breadcrumber? Look at this (she has a anonymous twitter account where she vent her fellings about everything), she does not know i know about it. She thinks she can do better, so let her do better.. While those emotions may be negative they are still emotions and if you play your cards right you can turn them in your favor. Let's look at a few other benefits of following the no contact rule. People usually show us who they really are by their behaviourswe just dont always want to see it. 11. They may not think about them as strongly and frequently as you think about your ex (especially right after the breakup), but they certainly dont erase dumpees from their memory. I caught my boyfriend with his best friend girlfriend having sex and she has 2 kids for her boyfriend but I still love my boyfriend and I want him back I just started the no contact rule I actually blocked his line 3 days ago which I intend unblocking for 30 days but I can get a notification if he tries reaching my line. Do I continue no contact for 45 days? I have thought he is worth waiting for. I started no contact actually immediately, but she initiated contact 4 times over the break up period, and I always replied shortly, because it was about money or some other things, but she never stated she missed me or something like that. I just wondered if there was any advice on what happens now? The ultimate purpose of the no contact rule. What to do .. speak myself? You see, men and women are very similar in many respects. 5. Updated. But they could give you hope, which will have the same effect on you as visiting a fortune-teller. You see, a large portion of women who visit this site are under the impression that all they have to do to get their ex back is the no contact rule. Make sure you remain honest if you decide to speak. One way to do it is through text messaging. Or should I try to reconnect and sort things out with her.. Find someone who respects and appreciates your needs. Do let me know if you disagree. Keeping you, and their feelings, at a distance serves them. Here's the upside to her unfriending you. i been out of the grid for 10 days so far, because even if we broke up 3 months ago, she moved to her apartment the 1th of August, I helped her to find the apartment to move, i went to the viewings with her bcs we live in Barcelona, and she does not speak spanish, I even helped her pack some things just because i wansted the best for her. But what do you think is going on in his mind during this period of no contact? You reach out but you do not mention that he deleted you. For now, just hit "unfollow" not "unfriend" so you're not tormented by his Facebook updates. Hi I initiated no contact and he messaged me after 2 weeks. Ive gotten to know that my ex slept with someone else already about a week after the break up. You go in thinking that he is a shoe in to message you throughout the period but it doesnt happen at all. Your ex will think about you more because youll become mysterious and make your ex wonder what youre doing and how youre coping with the breakup. How else can you meet other interesting and more beautiful girls if you're hanging on the memory of an indecisive girl. It is OK for me as I need time to trust again and want to know him better before embarking in a new relationship. Hes gone abroad so I am implementing the no contact for the week hes away. Anyways, it seems that I have developed a new pet peeve when it comes to communicating with you ladies. Men are expected to make the first move, pay for dates, text first, etc, etc (you get the idea.) I know that guy and I know he is in a relationship with someone else now. In y case both damaged by past relationship and on top 2years go I lost my daughter. I mean, yeah, I do love her. You see, most men make relationship decisions based on their emotions. Too many people fail to realize that being in love has one big negative, loss. On day 30 of her no contact period her ex finally broke down and sent out a message to her. Allow yourself to release the pain. If a guy has broken up with you the emotions he is going to experience after the breakup may cause him to feel like he was the victim. He needs to see that you mean what you say and are willing to move on from him as you are allowing this pattern to continue means that you will never progress in your relationship or life. What else are you worried about? What we need to do is to break this undesirable association. What I should do? I am trying so so hard to push past my urges not to message him. 1. I remember one time where there was someone I really wanted to talk to. Taking his or her focus off you and putting it on something or someone else would allow your ex to distance himself or herself from issues that created a lot of negative emotions. I cant understand why he has done this as hes always been so set on being with me. Towards on our 8th month, she started writing again. He wants to make sure that you'll see his name on the screen after a week of radio silence. Or, is it a facade? She told me she would manage her time for me. Your reply to your ex should be short and sweet. I dont what to make of it, since when she contacted me the last time it was to pay back money and to ask for my bank account number, but I went and took a look and she has that information since she payed money to me multiple times (I could see that on my bank account). Would highly recommend to anyone wanting assurance and a little bit of female guidance from a different point of view. Or would some variation help? I sent her a message asking how she is and she gladly replied that she is doing good. So let's say you don't follow the sage advice in this article and you stay in touch with your ex and he starts seeing another girl. Her reasons for the break up (She is 24 and im 30, she wanted to live her life and she thought that not having the same sense of humor was important, she is from the Uk, I am from Venezuela, obvuisly if you like people from different countries there is always gonna be differences in that), I was the chef of the house, i took care from our 3 cats all the time, cleaning and helping at home, i know im not perfect but i concider that i was a total gentleman with her most of the time, even after the break up she told me (for much you have been the best boyfriend that i ever had, and I know i will get karma for leaving you, but i dont fell the same passion anymore, (honey moon period was over and she could not handle it)), we were together for 2 years and 6 months, and we lived together for 1 and 4 months. If you still have hope, you want your ex to remember you for your good qualities and behaviors. May I add she also had been saying to me the week we started talking normal again how we were going to visit Brazil end of the year, all the things we can do together after corona virus has ended! After the no contact period is over. Essentially what I am going to be doing here is bridging the gap between you and your ex boyfriend. While I would tend to agree with that you are in a very unique situation here in that we are talking about your ex boyfriend. Dumpees assume that dumpers are coming back around, but most of the time, dumpers are showing interest and expressing themselves strongly only because they want reassurance and help. 4. Its hard not hearing off someone you went from being best friends with to on/off with, back to friends then to not talking. In reality, it delays the time it would normally take to get on talking terms, because they associate all negativity, such as your neediness and the new anger they feel as a result of your persistence, with you. But then again, you dont want your ex to think about you in a bad light. The best way I can answer whether your ex will forget about you during no contact is to say that dumpers dont forget their exes. In all, there are 3 legitimate reasons that come to mind. His heart wants nothing more than to check up on you and see how you are doing. You see, in their mind they feel entitled to a response. Cant understand what is going on. To reiterate my previous statement, staying in deliberate contact with your ex that doesnt want to hear, see or be reminded of you, is a huge mistake. You need to have some self respect and learn to love yourself more. Lets say that you are using the no contact rule on your ex boyfriend. she had met all my family and me the same with her with the family she has here!! Keep the Faith . She may never change and be able to appreciate what a great guy you are!! Answering an ex during no contact: If you were too distant in the relationship Let's say that part of the reason (or maybe even the entire reason) behind why the relationship ended between you was that you neglected your partner. However, I still did not feel confident as a woman, I did not feel that we were planning the future together. Perhaps you didn't make enough time for the relationship or maybe you even had an affair with someone else. The best thing you can do is to move on. . I feel good about myself a bit because I have the feeling I left a huge legacy and that another person will have to be extremely good to replace me. This is the 1st time we havent spoken. While I know it is a lot to read if you did take the plunge and read through it all you will have noticed that the overall ex recovery process hinges on YOU making the first move (which I plan on going into much greater detail later.). Once you've gotten your ex to refriend you, go ahead and ask her to meet up with you. I think he follows my posts but never reaches out. Do I continue to wait for her to reach out or move on? Does your ex boyfriend even need to contact you during NC for you to be able to get him back? hi Lily, you broke NC once you answered his text, you need to go 30 days SOLID no speaking with your ex to complete a successful NC and in that time you work on yourself. Thats good because you dont want her to think she can walk in and out any time she wants to. A week after i broke up with her, i started to miss her. But there's one particular reason that stands out from the rest. 1. Same thing happened to me! What do you think is considered a long time for an ex boyfriend to respond to you? One of the most asked questions I get from coaching clients is to explain the reasoning behind a man who doesnt contact you during the no contact period. 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